so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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