fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
