Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
