i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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