I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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