I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
