I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to make out with him forever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
