Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
