What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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