i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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