you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
