I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
