i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
