The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
