Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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