Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
