Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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