2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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