If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
