We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
