when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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