I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize