this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
