Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
