I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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