Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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