That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
