Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
