i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
