I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
