Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
