would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
