Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize