Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
