The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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