Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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