you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
