we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
