My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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