...so i touched it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
