I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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