dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
