Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize