I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
