My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
