I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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