what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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