he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
