you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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