It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
