Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
