I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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