Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
