my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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