There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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