I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
