My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
