I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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