Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize