Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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