so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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