I accidentally burped into my bong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
