I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
