no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Floor bacon is actually really good
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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