Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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