you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
FUCK WHALES
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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