I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
