At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i believe in u and ur pee
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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