Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
