You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
