I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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