HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize