Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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