It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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