i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
