so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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