i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
