My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
