god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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