the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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