I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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