I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
