he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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