its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
