I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am mentally ready for anal.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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