My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
third nipple confirmed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
