You're so nebulous sometimes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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