dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
