I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
