So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
