My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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