Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
