ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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