this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
only you would photoshop your dick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
