My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
