I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
