I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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