Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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